Tuesday, October 26, 2010

You Wish You Were a TEASE Like Me :)

So, my last tease from ALWAYS AND FOREVER left more than a few of you scratching your heads, shaking your fists, and generally not too happy with me.  This week's tease will probably make you want to use me for target practice...just forewarning you.

A little back story for those who haven't been reading along: Mia has been diagnosed with cancer, the inoperable and thus terminal kind.  But, if she is going to die, she's decided that she'll be doing it on her own terms.  She'll be saying when, where, and how it all goes down.  This decision, however, is not without it's pitfalls, but Mia can't be bothered with worrying about everyone else's feelings.  She's consumed with maintaining some semblance of control when her whole life has already erupted in chaos.  Here, she's just had a fight with her brother and has fabricated an excuse to go down into the basement so that she can just get away from it all.

Enjoy!

I’d always been terrified of the basement, never going down there unless absolutely necessary. Now, I threw the doors opened and skidded down the stairs, with no fear of the dark, dank space.


At the bottom, I switched on the light, the bare bulb in the center of the low-ceilinged room flickering to life like in those cheesy slasher movies. The image of a hockey-mask wearing murderer hiding behind one of the shelves just waiting for the opportune moment to jump out and do away with me popped into my head. It was a strangely comforting thought.

Because then, it wouldn’t be suicide. It would just be tragic.

Blowing out a loud sigh, I grabbed two jars of the peaches Mrs. Patel and I had canned over the summer and turned to leave the cellar.

And, stopped.

Here was the answer to all my problems. A wide grin spread across my face as I stared at the steep wooden stairs that would take me out of the basement. The stairs that often scared me as a child because there was no hand rail, no nothing to hold onto in case you lost your balance.

Now, their presence incited relief and comfort instead of nervousness and fear. They offered the perfect escape.

I turned back to the shelves and pulled down more jars. Peaches, pears, pickles, and salsa, loading myself down with as much extra weight as I could carry. It was simple. It was brilliant. Why hadn’t I thought of this last night?

Staring at the stairs, I mentally calculated how high up I’d have to go before I could be assured that a tumble back down would result in a broken neck…in death. The jars, of course, were just additional insurance. They’d drop in the fall, and if I was really lucky, I’d fall on top of a few really large shards. You know…just in case the fall didn’t kill me. The blood loss would.

It was perfect.

I reached back to the shelf and grabbed two more pint jars, just for good measure. Then, slowly, ever so slowly, I inched toward the steps. It wouldn’t do any good to take my tumble on only the third or fourth step, now would it?

Deep breath, and my foot lifted to find the first step. Another one and I slowly expelled it. Another and another and another. I was halfway up. Only a few more steps to climb, and then…I could let go. I could relinquish my hold on everything. On my family, my friends…my life.

I closed my eyes, brought my foot up so that the arch rested on the edge of the tread…and pushed off.

The space of that moment lasted an eternity. I hung, suspended in mid-air, my back at an awkward angle as my arms automatically flailed out around me. Survival instinct kicking in. The jars went flying, shattered as gravity reached out, grabbed them, and yanked them back down to earth.

I was next.

I fell back on the steps, wincing as the back of my head kissed the sharp edge of one tread and then I was rolling, end-over-end until I landed in a crumpled heap at the bottom, amidst the sea of food and glass shards that I’d created.

For a second, I felt nothing. I tried to lift my head to see what damage I’d done, but it was filled with concrete. Everything started to blur and move, shadows growing long, lifting and dancing just at the periphery of my vision. They teased and taunted me, their long fingers of temptation beckoning me to join them.

I wanted to. I really did.

Still, the pain did not come, and I wondered, Was this what death was like? Had I really done it? I reached out to them, a giddy sense of victory sailing through me. I’d won! I’d really won. The last thoughts that floated through my head were ones of triumph.

This was my victory lap. I’d said when. I’d said where. And, I’d definitely said how.

 
Do you hate me yet?  Well, if not, keep reading my teasers.  I'm sure it'll happen soon enough. If so...*shrugs* ...still keep reading.  Please?
 
Also, my blogging buddy Kelly Breakey and I will be starting a Round Robin writing experiment in the very near future.  Stay tuned for more details :)