Thursday, October 6, 2011

Bionic Dad

So, the maternal unit calls me last night while I'm driving home from work.  "I've got news," she says.  No hello.  No, whaz up, biotch?  Just, I have news.  This is a sentence that never fails to garner my undivided attention, which is not always a good thing. 

But, sometimes, this sentence is followed by a string of silliness.  Thankfully, this is one of those times.

Before I can ask her to elaborate, she charges forward, her voice rising in excitement.  "They're rebuilding your father, one machine at a time!"  She says this proudly, like it's the most clever thing she could've come up with.  I have to admit, that it is a catchy, phrase...and oddly familiar.

I'm quiet a moment...mostly because some jerk just cut me off, and my mother isn't too fond of my road rage tendencies, so I must take a second before answering her in order to shake my fist and glare menacingly at the asshat in the Beamer that is even now speeding far a head of me. Hello, buddy, we're in a 35 MPH zone here. You're going at least 55.

But, I digress.

"Like the Bionic Man?" I asked into the silence, not at all confused.  It does make a certain amount of logic. 

For those of you minions who are not in the know, my Dad has been disabled since the latter part of my senior of high school, when a he--just barely--survived a freak accident at work.  Since then, we treasure every moment we have with him as we know better than most how quickly things can change.  Also, since that time, he's played guinea pig to numerous doctors as they've worked to keep him in the best health one can possibly be in after such traumatic injuries.  The list of procedures he's had done and the spare parts they've had to replace/add to him is staggering to normal people. To us, it's just another day in the life of.

"Yes! He's like the Six Million Dollar Man!" she exclaimed, clearly impressed that her daughter caught the reference of a TV show that went off the air before I ever thought about being born.  Hey, I have TV Land. I know things.  "They're rebuilding him, one machine at a time!"

So of course, all this talk of turning my dad into a cyborg brought to mind images like this:

"Well," I told Mom just before we hung up.  "I don't mind having a Robo-Dad, but if he starts receiving transmissions to locate John Connor, we should all be worried.  I'm just saying."

I'm not sure she got the Terminator reference, which saddens me to no end.